Thanks! No, fuckyeahstuds is actually a blog about studded clothing lol. But if you like studs you should check out http://studnation.tumblr.com/ one of my favorite blogs. Check em out.
No problem. The only way to change things is by making us more visible in the community. And you’re definitely a vocal voice and very visible presence in the community. So thank you very much. It’s my pleasure. :)
I’m reblogging this because although I’m not masculine-of-center I still support the s4s lifestyle, and also because of some myths they discuss around the eight minute mark.
I am a young lesbian (also known as Baby Dyke) and I’m finding that many older women (and it may be a southern thing as well) have very strict rules and codes about who a stud is and isn’t and what they can and cannot do. I know of a girl who basically had her studliness invalidated by others in the community because she got a pedicure. I thought that was absurd, but it goes deeper than that.
Another mythrule I’ve heard for AG women is that they don’t-like-to or can’t receive sexual pleasure from their partner(s), and at least if they do get it they shouldn’t enjoy it. This one ties into one more that states studs “can’t show emotion,” studs “can’t (do anything that can be interpreted as feminine).”If she does, she’s not a real stud, she’s a poser, not doing it right, playing games or what have you.
I say to bullshit to that. I say bullshit, but for some reason, dems da Rules. I get the impression that it is not studs who uphold this strict codec but the community surrounding them. For black studs, I can say that the black community’s ideal of hyper-masculinity expects studs to pretty much go all the way and just be the manliest men (whatever that actually means.) In the black lesbian community, many femmes are taught this notion as well and strive to be hyper-feminine and taking nothing less than an uber-masculine counterpart.
As a result, I’ve seen studs who put up a very strong wall on their emotions, feelings, and even attitude, but they struggle inside.To be honest, their needs are not being met, but to admit this outside of the s4s community is to be in the ironic danger of being outed as a “fake.”
I’m talking to an older MOC woman now (let’s call her K) and we’re navigating many of these problems firsthand, right down to the sex. When I told her that she can tell me what she wants and what makes her feel good and that we will do that (I get a little eager sometimes) she was literally shocked. She said the hardest part for her to grasp was not just that she was receiving something, but also that I enjoyed giving it. I’m over here thinking “Of course I do,” and it’s a fairly unopened box for her. I’m even more upset that it doesn’t shock me. People of various communities push the rule that studs can’t relax. We have been talking for a while now, and just the other night was the first time she ever cried around me. For most (K included) this is considered unacceptable, and the next morning she told me she felt she acted weakly and even asked me if I was less attracted to her now.
That’s completely absurd. To me, crying is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of turmoil. Who am I or anyone to tell her to hold in her pain? I feel that we are closer because she chose to confide in me, and I felt I had a duty to be there for her, to prop her up just as equally and confidently as she does for me. Yet
For many studs out there, this ain’t the case. Let it be known that there are many reasons for one to be s4s and not being an AG I can’t speak for any one. However, I will mention that a couple of studs I know who are s4s state the ability to be open and fluid with their partner as one of the main reasons (if not The Main Reason) that they became s4s in the first place. As a result they face more heat from the outside from people who are backlashing against s4s who are probably the same people who enforce the strict rules in the first place.
I say all of this to call bullshit on that. And I also want studs to know that there are people out there who will love you without expectation of what a Stud is “supposed” to be. They will love you freely and support you equally. If there are not enough of these people, then there is high demand for more in our community. In my book of rules, whether a stud finds comfort in the arms of another MOC or a femme-y woman like me, it’s okay to cry.” Tranceforme on the recently posted interview with Studslayer.